Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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