Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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