theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I could fuck to npr.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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