that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
