Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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