If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
