I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
