I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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