U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
