She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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