I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
