yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
