Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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