I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
