So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
