just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
