the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
