i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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