your thong is hanging out like whoa
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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