Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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