Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
