you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
