I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
