we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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