Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
