HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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