Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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