Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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