My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
