i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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