Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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