..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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