It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
MIDGETS
????
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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