No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
