My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
