He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
