there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
