His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
