Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
