Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
