just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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