If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
