So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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