Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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