Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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