I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
