i was born a porn star she said
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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