There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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