if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
