Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
