The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
