She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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