i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
