Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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