HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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