filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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