if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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