I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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