Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
