walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
