who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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