I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
