you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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