was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
