let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
