Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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