1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he was CRYING into my vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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