Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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