I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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