alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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