i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
