he thought i was a dude.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
