I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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