Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
