My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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