Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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