Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
